Settle Down & Breath~

insecure-happiness:

don’t ever assume someone likes you because 10/10 times they don’t

(Source: aquus)

megaman2:

megaman2:

“mickey mouse it says you want to divorce minnie because she was…… extremely silly?”

“no, i said she was fucking goofy”

please stop reblogging this i stole this joke from my brother

robertoluongo:

in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke

ambassador-of-anguish:

shouldertappingghosts:

If I was a famous author I would publish a book with ten different endings which all went to print with varying degrees of rarity, but not tell the fans about it so that I could watch their confusion as they disagree over how the story ended. Then when they figured it out I would ‘come clean’, telling them that I had released eleven alternate endings and watch them panic again as they all try to find the last ending.

This is perfect.

katyissuperwholocked:

superwhoavengehobbitpotterlock:

You are allowed to drink when you’re 16.

You are allowed in clubs when you’re 18.

You receive free education.

You receive economic support while studying.

You enjoy free hospitalization.

You’ll be correctly informed by objective news channels.

swasticunts:

I tamagotchu pregnant